Been diving too deep by myself.

Once again, I'm really and deeply disappointed in myself.

I can't get thing straight like I used to do.

I can't make the right decision.

Wrong decisions upon wrong decisions.

These mistakes are really catching up on me. I really don't know how much left in me, myself to keep me going. Even there are some, is it enough for me to finish this long rally. Man, I'm really down right now. Feel so empty. Is it because I'm not giving enough or it's just too hard for me. Why there are so little thing I can deal with? Why can't I be like my sister, as strong as she is, as intelligent as she is and as determined as she is. To all my buddies, sorry for being such a jerk, sorry for failing you guys.

Back to WAR ZONE and Stop TRIPPIN' man

I am back to this familiar war zone since last Thursday. It looks familiar to me but somehow it ain't. I have to admit things are not like the last time when I'm here. But I ain't complaining a single bit of it. And I have to live through it. I gotta stop trippin' and get back to what I'm suppose to do. I came back here for reasons upon reasons.

For all this while I realized I have been cheating myself. Going back and forth from reality world to fantasy world. Sometimes, things ain't what I want to see but I just kept giving myself reasons to have a quick get away. This ain't right man. I gotta snap out from that cause every get away I had is making ma life harder and harder. Harder for me to breath, harder for me to wake up every morning, harder for me to speak and harder for me to live this life.

I'm sick of it. Seriously. NO more quick gettaway. Face it and Deal with it. Thats what I'm born to do. I know I'm special. Each and everyone out there are special too. I know it takes time for me to stand up once more, once and for all but I ain't giving up. and Wish me luck guys. Peace y'll, I'm out.